The beginnings of baby

All of my life, I have wanted a baby. It has been ingrained in me since I was a young child to nurture and my love for dolls (and my parents always presenting me with them) only made me that much more of a mommy waiting for a baby. My older sister had her first child at a very young age. Being a teen mom must have been difficult. But to be frank, I never thought of her as a "teen" mom, just a mother. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I can't imagine the hardships she went through, but when I was 13, with a new nephew that I loved more than words, I just thought life was even more complete with baby in the family. We all loved this new baby. Showered him every day with copious amounts of affection and gushed at just the thoughts of him. His first portrait studio pictures brought tears to my eyes, his first steps were accomplishments that made me beam for days. When I was old enough, I would care for him during the summer while my sister worked and took care of the family and during this time, I built a strong bond with my nephew. I never felt alone when I was with him, and he made my heart happy, during times when happiness was few and far between. Through the trials of this period of my life, I probably should not have been thinking, "I can't wait to have a family of my own." But truly, I was. Maybe it was to escape the situations I was in. The broken family I was then a part of gave me much to desire about the future. Coming from a broken family only made me want to have a family of my own, so that way I could fix the "broken" in me and live happily ever after. (Broken Family is a term I used to hate, probably out of sheer embarrassment because I came from one. More on that another time.) As the years went on and more and more babies were born, I became the girl who loved babies. A newborn baby in my presence was automatically in my arms and kept there for as long as that mother would let it. My niece was born and I got to experience being an aunt again! And again, I felt a new wholeness even though my life wasn't very whole at all.

My husband and I have a long love story that winds down many different roads, all leading to each other. As cliche and full of it as it sounds, we really were meant to be. To know and love someone from the time you are 8 years old, date them when you're 18, get engaged at 25 and married at 27 is rare and one of the most precious gifts God has given me. My husband is my very best friend and having a family has been something we've wanted for a really long time. With that being said, you can only imagine how long we waited...(or didn't ;)) to try for a family of our own. We were married on July 7th, 2012 and got a positive pregnancy test on September 2nd, 2012. Our beautiful son was born on April 27th, 2013. The ways our lives have changed since that day are unexplainable and the changes only continue every day. We're renewed in life, in love, in faith and in each other. We've watched each other grow so much within the past 20 years and now, we are blessed to watch our first son grow every single day. To say I am finally WHOLE kind of falls short to how I really feel because it is much more complex than that. I am still finding myself lost in love and happiness and can't really sort out my thoughts about it. It's the best most overwhelming feeling I've ever experienced and every day, I kiss my boys knowing that I am the happiest and luckiest little mama there ever was. I decided to start this blog to write down my million thoughts a minute about my life. As a family, we hit milestones every day and time is just zooming by us. I wish I could record every minute of it. Really, this blog will be another set of ears for me. I'm still transitioning as a mommy and I think SEEING my thoughts will help me put them in the correct storage bins in my brain. I'll come here with stories of my beautiful son, my loving husband and really, what I'm going through all together. Life is beautiful. If I could just pause time for a while it would be great. But I can't, so I'll spend some time here :)