I've come to the conclusion that time is just flying jetting by us and I can't quite figure out how I feel about it. I feel like EJ was just born but now he's 9 months old and creating his own little personality and wanting to be/becoming more independent. I love our little baby and I wish he would stay a little baby but watching him grow is just beyond any thoughts and words I could possibly put together. That being said, I've been thinking a lot about the last couple of years and it literally is blurred. I see bits and pieces of me and David and Dozer as a puppy. Then zoom, I'm in nursing school and I can't wait to be done with it (now, I don't remember what it was even like to be so engulfed in something not at home!). BAM. We're engaged and I'm passing the NCLEX and wedding planning and looking so wide eyed at the future. BOOM. We're married, honeymooning, pregnant, PARENTS. The first half of our relationship seemed like it took its time. I don't know if it's because it wasn't pleasant (TRUE FACTS) or because really our minds were so focused on everything that didn't matter. Maybe we so badly want to hang on to every moment now and when it passes, we feel it in a different way. We're much happier, healthier people now vs. who we were. We dreaded everything-- work, school, anything that required us to take off our fun party hats and put on some responsibility. But now, we see everything as a means to continue living in this little cloud we've built. It's not work. It's life. And we love it. EJ's 3 months shy of being a toddler and I just can't take it. It breaks my heart that his time in babyhood went by so quickly. I guess it always does though. These are grown up feelings and even though I'm 28, I don't feel so grown up yet. I don't feel worn or worked or like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. I don't know if that's naivety or me being flippant either. Should I take life more seriously? Am I not already in my fears and anxieties? What version of me am I right now? All in all, I'm happy. Maybe that's all I care about? Maybe that's all I should care about? What an unorganized, intangible jumble of thoughts. But seriously, time. I wish I had a handle on you. Before I know it, I'm sure I'll be reading this from some certain amount of time far from now and I'll be like, "Ha! Remember that! So much has changed....".
Anyway...
I'm working on a big huge EJ post. I haven't done an update on just him in a while and boy, does he need one! Our little blob is a blob no more and I can't wait to burst my mind grapes (Quey, that's for you!) and get everything about this boy out where I can see it. Until then! <3
