You Are The Daybreak

It's going straight to my head:

I think I'm falling in love again.

Such simple miracles have happened

Since your steady hands have come and

Stopped my unraveling.

Your fingers, built for the piano,

Work out the knots that line my back.

The stress I've stored since last December,

But now, it doesn't matter.

I've learned to leave it in my past.

And I feel good about the future,

This clarity I've never had.

You are the bounce in my step,

The burst of blood in my chest,

The prayer I've kept in my head.

You are the knock of my knees,

The swollen sound of each song

I scribble down and tear up,

Because they never match up.

You are the words I fumble for.

In the morning, 

You are the daybreak,

And I am glad.

And at night,

You are the dream

I fall asleep to have.

On our wedding day, my husband gave me a wooden music box he made with his own two hands. It played this song. This song still brings me to my knees and makes me feel a million emotions all at once. I'm working on a post right now about marriage-- the highs and lows and the changes we've made since our little one came into our lives. These topics come with great sensitivity so I'm making sure this is done with the utmost care and consideration. So, it's comin' soon! Along with that birth story...I HOPE. * ahem * 

Remember when we were invincible?

Why does everything now a days seem so scary? My husband and I recently got to talking about life as we know it now and how it is absolutely nothing like it was prior to being parents. We expected this to a certain extent but I guess we underestimated this feeling. I constantly feel so vulnerable to the world. When we were in our early 20's we were quite reckless. Hell, I wanna say we were pretty reckless until we got married. But our early 20's were pretty bad. We would smoke and drink all the livelong day and do both until we couldn't put together a thought. Somehow, we would always manage to get home safely and for that, I'm really grateful but looking back, I'm really in disbelief. Now that we have a son, there is not a single caution we throw to the wind. I really wonder if this feeling is permanent or if I'll always be a little scared at what's outside our door. Simple things like taking a walk or driving have become so daunting. Things really do change when you have the whole world in your hands. We all gotta live young, wild and free so I'm glad that we did, but now I'm afraid of how these feelings will develop and shape me as a mother. I always told myself that I would be an easy going parent. I would want my babies to grow up and explore and get their hands dirty and learn life the hard way. I wouldn't put my worries onto them and shelter them from all the bad in life because some of the good might be kept at bay too. Now, I don't even like the idea of my son spending a moment away from us, if we can help it. I've even brought up the idea of home schooling to my husband. He guffawed at this and was able to talk me off my ledge but at that point I saw it clear. I am my mother's daughter. Worrying is in my blood and right now, at it's peak. My mom has worried about every move I've made all my life, but she has also let me live my life to my own accord. That's a mother's job, I've come to see. To worry and hope and pray that your child will make the best choices and that the world will take care of your baby when your baby starts to take care of themselves.  But most importantly, letting your child live. Lord, let me read this years from now and help me remember how I feel at this moment. EJ and his future siblings will surely appreciate it. We'll always be vulnerable so we might as well have a lot of fun while we're at it. 

When the only thing that could hurt us was each other. 

5 Months!

We celebrated EJ's 5th month this weekend! I can't believe it's already been 5 months since our little lovebug was born. He's growing so amazingly fast and we're trying our hardest to hold on to every single second. 

His Milestones so far:

• Rolling over back to belly and belly to back! He rolls around as much as he can.
• Grasping objects and passing them between both hands. 
• Mimicking. 

At 5 months EJ's favorites are:

• His jumper! We consider this our best investment because he absolutely loves it! He jumps high and can even stand for a bit. Loves all the toys and sounds it makes and it allows us to try and get stuff done while he's safe and entertained. 
• Rice cereal! We were both on the fence about feeding him rice cereal. Our doctor suggested we wait until he was 5 months since we had our concerns about constipation. After lots of research we chose to give him Happy Bellies Brown Rice Cereal and we couldn't be happier with this organic choice. EJ is getting better at feeding with a spoon every day and the probiotics in the cereal really have helped with his overall digestion. He not only is pooping every day (he was pooping every other day prior) but he is spitting up a lot less as well. He's also getting much better naps in the day too. It gets messy (which we think is adorable!) but it's also so much fun to feed him! I can't wait until he starts fruits and veggies next month. 
• Laughing! He use to laugh only when being tickled but now, he's laughing at sights and sounds and it just kills us. 
• Itsy Bitsy Spider! This, by far, is his favorite song. We sing a lot of songs to him but this will literally stop him in his tracks. He even fusses if I stop singing it to him while he nurses! I die! 
• Petting his furry brothers! He's become more and more curious about the furry dudes scurrying around him. When they are close enough, he can't help but reach out and touch them. He can be a bit grabby so we use encouraging words to let him know when he's being nice and when he needs to be more gentle. Our pups are taking to it well and we praise them for letting the baby get to know them. We really hope this solidifies a great relationship between them. They are, after all, all our babies. 
• Screaming! He is already pretty chatty but lately, he has loved the sound of his own voice and what it sounds like to scream. I can't get enough! (Of the HAPPY screams, that is!)
• His Snuza! (Ok, this is MY favorite) The Snuza Hero is a baby movement monitor that clips onto his diaper and will detect and alert us if there are any issues with his breathing. It is seriously heaven sent! It relieves so much of our mommy and daddy anxieties and I've been getting the best sleep since we got it.Hallelujah!
• Sitting in his stroller carriage! We've completely stopped using his car seat as a carrier when we're out and about since he is able to sit up better and he has LOVED it. He loves observing his surroundings and people watching. This has been pleasant for all of us because being strapped into his car seat doesn't make him too happy. We're able to go out more without having to carry him and it's a joy.  He has been enjoying our little adventures out shopping or on our nightly walks. Yay for little pieces of freedom here and there!
• Allen's Naturally Laundry Detergent! (Again...one of MY favorites!) We have been cloth diapering since EJ was 2 months old. (We planned to cloth diaper when he was born but my teeny baby didn't chunk out until he was one day shy of 2 months!) As much as we love to cloth diaper, we must admit, it is a very stinky choice. As EJ has gotten older we were noticing his diapers were beginning to smell of ammonia even after our normal wash routine so we decided to try a different detergent and we couldn't be more satisfied with Allen's. It is a zero residue detergent and they smell fresh (my husband will say, "they don't smell like anything!" which he means in the best way) after every wash. 

And his least favorite:

• His car seat! My mom says that I loved being in the car so much when I was a baby, if I couldn't sleep at night her and my dad would strap me in and drive me around and I would be out like a light. Unfortunately, EJ is the opposite. He can stand short trips but there is always a moment where he decides he's through with being strapped in. It makes us very strategic in planning for our outings and also can test our patience. I had hope once but my sister shattered that when she told me her friends daughter who just turned 1 STILL doesn't enjoy being in her car seat. We'll have to keep working on it. The acoustics in a vehicle don't mesh well with a screaming baby. 
• Not being able to feed himself! He loves his rice cereal but he hates not being able to take control over the spoon. At every bite, I repeat the words, "hands down" in the sweetest mommy voice I can muster so he doesn't try to grab the spoon. He's never really thought he was a baby, so I'm not surprised he's confused as to why he just can't do it. He is definitely starting to understand "hands down" though.

Overall, our little mister is a happy little clam and we are so lucky. 

Here we are, having a little picnic at the park