Remember when we were invincible?

Why does everything now a days seem so scary? My husband and I recently got to talking about life as we know it now and how it is absolutely nothing like it was prior to being parents. We expected this to a certain extent but I guess we underestimated this feeling. I constantly feel so vulnerable to the world. When we were in our early 20's we were quite reckless. Hell, I wanna say we were pretty reckless until we got married. But our early 20's were pretty bad. We would smoke and drink all the livelong day and do both until we couldn't put together a thought. Somehow, we would always manage to get home safely and for that, I'm really grateful but looking back, I'm really in disbelief. Now that we have a son, there is not a single caution we throw to the wind. I really wonder if this feeling is permanent or if I'll always be a little scared at what's outside our door. Simple things like taking a walk or driving have become so daunting. Things really do change when you have the whole world in your hands. We all gotta live young, wild and free so I'm glad that we did, but now I'm afraid of how these feelings will develop and shape me as a mother. I always told myself that I would be an easy going parent. I would want my babies to grow up and explore and get their hands dirty and learn life the hard way. I wouldn't put my worries onto them and shelter them from all the bad in life because some of the good might be kept at bay too. Now, I don't even like the idea of my son spending a moment away from us, if we can help it. I've even brought up the idea of home schooling to my husband. He guffawed at this and was able to talk me off my ledge but at that point I saw it clear. I am my mother's daughter. Worrying is in my blood and right now, at it's peak. My mom has worried about every move I've made all my life, but she has also let me live my life to my own accord. That's a mother's job, I've come to see. To worry and hope and pray that your child will make the best choices and that the world will take care of your baby when your baby starts to take care of themselves.  But most importantly, letting your child live. Lord, let me read this years from now and help me remember how I feel at this moment. EJ and his future siblings will surely appreciate it. We'll always be vulnerable so we might as well have a lot of fun while we're at it. 

When the only thing that could hurt us was each other.